Puberty Hot Topic: When to Snitch

It is a struggle from the moment you first learn the term “tattletale.”  How do you discern snitching from reporting?  This is an important conversation to have with your daughter throughout her childhood and adolescence.  I like to begin by reassuring my children that they can always tell me anything, and I will help them decide if they need to tell another adult or not.  I also like to emphasize that if someone is in danger or putting someone else in danger, it is the right thing to do to tell an adult.  When the situation is not clear, I ask my children to consider whether they tell an adult if their best friend had made the same choice.  For example, if someone says an ugly word, and you really want to tell on them because you don’t like what they did (or maybe don’t like the person who said it); would you tell if your best friend had said the same word?  As we get older, the situations become more nuanced.  It can also be helpful to talk through hypotheticals and ask your daughter what action she would take.  If her responses are not in line with your expectations of her, you can convey that in a loving way.